International News Syndicate, Nov. 22, 2007
Washington D.C.- We know it as al Qaeda. But to the people at the Department of Homeland Security, it is a global corporation built to market nothing more than wanton violence. A desperate hatred drives this terrorism machine, and strips it of any inhibition in its quest for total control.
Only recently has a new plot come to light, allowing a glimpse into the plans of the fanatical menace. Al Qaeda Inc. are planning a major marketing campaign for the Holiday season, including the release of a new suicide-bombing kit designed specially for children, according to Department of Homeland Security officials.
“I had a gut feeling about this, but this time I've also got internet chatter to back it up,” said Michael Chertoff, DHS chief at a completely genuine press conference today.
Chertoff said that the RSS feed from al-qaeda.com has revealed the release of new terrorism equipment under the Al Qaeda brand name, and calls for attacks on shopping malls at the height of the Christmas season. The flagship product in this marketing campaign is a suicide-bombing kit, called Watch Me Martyr, that includes a bicycle and an child-sized explosive vest, he said. In addition to details about the kit, the RSS feed also delivered a call for bombings at the Mall of America on the day after Thanksgiving, the traditional beginning of the US Christmas shopping season.
“This year the Terror Alert level isn't red, it's red and green,” he said.
In spite of these warnings, ordinary Americans do not seem to be alarmed.
“I do all my Christmas shopping online, anyway, ” said Stanley Erdnase, a Boston, Massachusetts cellist, in a telephone interview Saturday.
“The Mall of America? They still have that?” said Kim Dereksen, a Fargo, North Dakota school teacher, also in a telephone interview.
The Mall of America was built in the early 1990s by the Triple Five Group, a property development company owned and operated by four brothers. Nader Ghermezian, one of the Triple Five Group owners, said by email that he is aware of the al Qaeda marketing campaign, and that he has instructed Mall of America merchants against offering any al Qaeda product for sale, including the Watch Me Martyr suicide bombing kit.
“Those Keystone Cops over at DHS can save themselves the trouble. The FBI too. Bin Laden has [expletive] with the wrong guy,” said Ghermezian on his blog this weekend. None of the other Ghermezian brothers or their spokespeople returned messages left throughout the week.
Nationwide, several independent retailers have made orders for the Watch Me Martyr kits, which ships in late November. However, both Wal-Mart and Target have released statements reminding shoppers that they have never carried al Qaeda products.
“Al Qaeda is the enemy of freedom. We do not, nor have we ever, believed al Qaeda products to be worthy of the American consumer,” said Wal-Mart in a press release issued this morning.
-Khaleda Shirazi contributed to this report.
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